Before I return to the great Panama recap, I’ll give you a quick update on what’s going on back in real life: basically, as I write this I’m in a fairly crappy mood.  Except for a very brief repast of sun yesterday (noon to 4:00 pm was gorgeous) we’ve had straight rainy gray skies for 3 weeks straight and it’s starting to get to me (and everybody else in the Pacific Northwest).  In addition, I had to work over the long weekend, give a frustrating presentation today at work, had to endure a particularly painful Crossfit workout today (seriously, squats are NOT my friend) and get to play referee tonight for some unnecessary family drama.  All stress and no play makes for an angry Aubrey.  Thank god for decently priced Oregon pinots.

But no need to despair, my friends- the funk can’t last forever.  For one thing, summer has to start eventually, and all the weather blogs I read (yes, I read weather blogs, and so would you if you lived up here, so don’t judge me) seem to say that this Sunday is the big day.  For another, we’re firming up plans for another trip to California at the end of June.  While I’d rather not spend the money on airfare, I am excited at the prospect of attending a wedding where I get to wear a metallic silver dress (so what if it’s for one of Mike’s relatives ), visit my mom’s new spiritual healer that she can’t stop raving about (demons begone!) and tag along with Mike when he visits Dwell on Design.  Yay!

And now, to further my efforts in cheering myself up, I present you with a recount of one of my most favorite days in Panama ever.

Even though we had been up late the night before witnessing the miracle of turtle life, we all still managed to wake up early for breakfast (provided by our hotel and loaded up with craploads of delicious fruit joyification) and catch a ride with our bestie William into town.  While Scott and I attended an amaaaaaaazing yoga class at Bocas Yoga, where I was applauded for having the stickiest heart in class (I am weirdly flexible) and heard the phrase “super awesome” about 45 times in 60 minutes (I think everything is super awesome when you live on a tropical island and teach yoga all day), Mary, Priscilla and Kat checked out the city.

Evidently, they also took pictures solely to brag that they both have really awesome hair that I’m incredibly jealous of.

After class, we met up and had another leisurely Panamanian lunch.  This one clocked in at about 2 1/2 hours, but we were sitting on a pier and staring at starfish while we waited.  Priscilla won the contest for most delicious entree- sadly, I didn’t take a picture of her bacon and bean sandwich, but trust me, it was awesome.

With our tummies full of deliciousness, we split up- Kat headed out for some bargain scuba diving and the rest of us headed back to the hotel.  Where we napped.

Napped in hammocks.

Mary loves naps.

Priscilla is obviously the best napper among us.

Naps are awesome.

Once Kat came back and we woke up, we decided it was time to go out.  For realsies.

We started out with dinner at El Ultimo Refugio.  You know how I keep saying service is relaxed in Panama?  Service here was so relaxed that our waiter was openly smoking out at the bar while we ate.  That’s relaxed.

So while we waited for food, we took pictures!

Hair jealousy was still in full effect.

We also drank sangria.

And drinks with floaty seeds!

Cocktails make for more amusing pictures.

Thanks to those Physique 57 classes, Scott makes pink drinks look totes butch.  Obvi.

Less butch, more bitch.

While we waited…  and waited…  for our check, we asked the staff where we should go next.  The response was almost unanimous- everybody told us to go to Aqua Lounge.  “Everybody goes to Aqua Lounge,” they told us.  When we asked how to get there, we were told to walk down the street and follow whoever else we saw wandering down the street.  Easy enough, right?

So we did just that.  At some point, we ran into 3 girls from Buenos Aires who asked us where we were going.  Wanting to look like total locals, we told them we were going to Aqua Lounge- duh- and told them they could follow us. So they did.  And when we saw a sign on the water for Aqua Lounge, we walked in like we knew what we were doing.  And when the “door” was really just a facade leading to a dock with a bunch of water taxis offering to take us to an entirely different island for $1, we got in one as if we totally knew what was about to happen.

We had no idea.  But when you’re on vacation in Central America and strangers tell you to get in a boat, you do it.  So we did.

The Argentinians!  And the boat!

After a short boat ride, we arrived at the real Aqua Lounge- an outdoor club on a dock geared toward Spring Breakers and the hot and carefree.  We totally fit into one of those categories, right?  RIGHT?

Whatever.  We tried.

If hotness is measured in shininess, then Scott and I are burning up.

Love.

Evidently this is what I look like when I get…  tough?

The Argentinians!  Thankfully, Scott and Mary dragged me away before I decided to join them in jumping off the roof of the bar into the plunge pool/hole in the dock like they ended up doing.  Because that’s what friends are for.  (Cue music.)

Other people swimming.

After a lot of sweaty dancing but before anybody did any irreparable damage to our stellar reputations, we found our way back to the mainland, where the ever vigilant William was waiting for us (aka sleeping in his car).  He got us home safely, as usual, and didn’t even blink when Scott insisted on pulling over once on the way home so he could pee in a tidepool.

It was a good day.

PS- Guess what else is a good day?  June 2!  Yup, tomorrow is our 3rd anniversary.  So even if today kind of blows, tomorrow is guaranteed to be bearable.  Happy anniversary to us!

As I said earlier, our 4th day in Panama involved a lot of travel time.  Sometimes this can feel like a time-suck when you’re on vacation, but not when you are traveling in such amazing company.  Seriously, have I told you how much I love these people?

Notice a new addition to our group photo?  Well, that’s our new best friend and favorite cab driver ever, William.

After a slightly terrifying flight in an entirely too-small plane, we touched down in Bocas del Toro.

Yeah, it’s that gorgeous.

Upon arriving, we started looking for the cab driver promised to us by the owner of the house we were staying at, Bluff Beach Retreat.  That cab driver turned out to be William, who promptly introduced himself, packed all 5 of us into his truck (which was really only supposed to seat 4 people comfortably), and told us in his heavily accented pidgin English (residents of Boca speak a mix of Spanish, English and a unique Creole dialect) that we needed to buy snacks.  Snacks?  Yes please.

On our way out of the store, William looked over our selections and asked us if we needed any vegetables.  I did a quick inventory of our purchases- which mostly consisted of beer, vodka, San Peligrino and low-cal Cranberry Juice (Scott ignored my aspartame protests, bastard)- and decided to stick with our instincts.  Evidently, William liked our style, because as soon as we got in the truck again, he told us that he was going to stop for a beer as soon as we got out of the police zone because “It had been a long day.”  Instead of protesting, we just laughed and told him to drink one of ours.

Evidently, the police zone is marked by a tiny bridge on the outskirts of Bocas Town.  I only say that because the instant we crossed that bridge, William pulled over and announced that it was “Beer Time.”  This was a little odd, but hey, who are we to argue with local customs?

And evidently the local custom in Bocas is to celebrate beer time with new friends.

And old ones.

After a drink and some wandering around the beach, we continued down the dirt road and finally made it to our hotel, Bluff Beach Retreat.  And we were immediately in heaven.

After claiming our rooms, meeting the innkeeper, Ron, and his extremely affectionate boxter Cassius, and filling the communal refrigerator with our beer haul, we immediately hit the beach.

Ugh.  I want to be back there right now.  (Bonus fact: see the flags in the distance?  Survior Columbia was filming their challenges 10 minutes from our hotel).

After getting acquainted with the beach (and possibly some more beer) we hitched a ride with Ron and the three other residents of the hotel for dinner at a nearby restaurant.

Service was slloowwwww, but that was understandable because the entire place was staffed by the owner, an adorable little French woman.

The food was delicious and the pina coladas were even better.

THIS is one of my favorite pictures of Mary EVER.  Sooooooo pretty!  She seriously has the best smile in the history of the world.

After dinner, Ron started telling us that we had arrived just in time for the giant leatherback turtles to start coming to shore to lay eggs.  When he told us that we could actually join local volunteers to help mark the turtles and protect their nests, we were immediately intrigued.  So instead of heading back to the hotel, we walked down the beach and met up with Roberto and the fellow volunteers for some hot turtle action!

We were told right away that there was no guarantee that we would actually see any turtles- it was cloudy that night and the turtles depended on a clear view of the moon to see things clearly.  Nonetheless, we set out with Roberto and the other guides walking along the beach with high hopes.

And we walked.  And walked.  Walking in sand, especially deep dry sand like the kind we were trudging through, is hard work.  Walking at least a mile down the beach through dry sand in utter darkness (flashlights would scare the turtles away and keep them from laying eggs) is even harder.  We walked for at least half an hour and were just starting to give up when Roberto, our guide, noticed one of the other guides, who had sprinted ahead of us, signaling that he found a turtle.

And then we ran.  In the sand.  Like Baywatch, except in the dark and less attractive.

We seriously ran half a mile and were huffing and puffing like crazy by the time we caught up with the turtle, who was already heading back to the ocean.  But dude, we were about to see a leatherback turtle- totally worth the burning in our legs and lungs.

It was seriously amazing- I still can’t believe we actually saw one.

They were HUGE!  The guides started measuring and taking notes of where the nest was located so they could protect it from poachers.

Sitting in their tracks, Priscilla demonstrates that the turtles were approximately one Priscilla wide.

Once they were on their way back to the ocean, we were allowed to briefly touch them per the researchers’ instructions.  We were also only allowed to take flash photographs after they had laid eggs and were facing away from us- seeing the flash before they laid eggs or straight on would confuse them and make it difficult for them to get back to the water.

Watching them go back into the ocean was kind of surreal.  All of a sudden, they would just disappear into the waves.

All in all, we saw 3 turtles that night and actually got to watch 2 of them dig nests and lay eggs.  We didn’t get back to the hotel until almost 2 am and were completely exhausted, but it was honestly one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen in the world.  Yay turtles!

Special thanks to Priscilla for taking most of the pictures that appear in this post.  Thank god I have friends who actually know how to make cameras work properly.

We started our third day in Panama the way you should really start every day in a tropical climate- with a fruit plate.

Watermelon, pineapple, oranges, bananas, and papaya that actually tastes good because it’s picked when it’s RIPE- all surrounding an “exquisite” cheese sauce.  Heaven.  We went through 2 fruit plates at every breakfast in El Valle.

Also heaven?  Fresh eggs that come from chickens that actually walk around and eat bugs.  See how orange those yolks are?

After a super delicious breakfast, we set out for our first real adventure in Panama- ziplining!

El Valle is so small that you can pretty much walk everywhere.  So that’s what we did.

Scott.  Macho.  Obvi.

We passed several houses with chickens happily wandering around.

We saw campsites!  And we were really happy we were staying at our awesome hotel.

We saw plants growing in trees.

And a church.

And naked babies.

After a one-mile walk we finally made it to the zipline.  We met our guides and suited up.

Butt shot!

Scott didn’t want to be left out.

Properly outfitted, we hiked to the first zipline, where our guide demonstrated proper form.

Since I was the resident zipline expert (I’d gone once before in Tulum), I went first.  And I didn’t die!

Mary!

Kat!

Priscilla!

After we made the zipline rounds, we posed some more.

So.  Sexy.

After ziplining, we had a 3-hour lunch.  Some lunches last that long because the food is incredible or the service is impeccable or the conversation is amazing.  This particular lunch lasted 3 hours because a) the “slower pace of life” you hear about in Panama is most clearly reflected in the restaurant service and b) we ate at a restaurant that was filled with aggressive pheasants who literally stormed our table while we were waiting for our food and amorous ducks who expressed their desire for one another about 6 inches from our table.  (Here we learned just how violent duck love can be.  Isabella Rosselini gives a good description of it here.)

Post lunch, we decided to check out the Nispero Zoo, aka the best $3 zoo in the whole wide world.  Seriously, it was the best $3 we spent on the entire trip.

Racoons!

Giant rodent-things!

Golden frogs!  (The signature animal of El Valle.)

Pheasants!  I think it was wearing a bread tie on it’s nose.

Albino peacocks!  No matter what my hair color may be at the moment, I’ll always feel a special kinship with albinos.

Emu!

Rooster!  Seriously, there were so many freaking chickens here it was insane.  I am pretty sure that we were eating zoo-chicken eggs the whole time we were in El Valle.

The mule.  Kat really liked the mule.  Like, a little too much.  Like, she kissed it good-bye.  But you know, whatever floats your boat.

So there isn’t an animal in this picture, but it will be PERFECT for Priscilla’s Sri-Lankan online dating profile pic!  So lovely.

There were a ton of other animals- ocelots, jaguars, parrots and taipers to name a few.  Unfortunately, it’s midnight and I’m exhausted.  So that’s what you get.

Next- fancy food, more fruit plates, Panamanian Sasquatch and Bocas del Toro!

The recap continues.

On day 2, we woke up in Panama City, navigated the intricacies that come when 5 people share 1 shower and took advantage of the Sheraton’s complimentary breakfast that came courtesy of Scott’s Platinum Status.  Seriously, that Platinum Status stuff was the glue that bound our vacation together- free breakfasts, free wine  and cheese plates, free happy hours- we pretty much took advantage of every possible perk we could get our hands on.  Including, but not limited to, the fact that I may have pocketed a purseful of tea bags when I found that they had Mighty Leaf tea left out unattended.

Yeah, I’m classy.

After breakfast, Scott and Kat set out to pick up our rental car while Mary, Priscilla and I volunteered to lounge by the pool for a bit.  Total team players.

(Do you LOVE my gold Target sandals?  I do.  I will be much happier once it gets warm enough in Seattle to actually wear them up here.  Also, here’s a fun fact: I brought 5 pairs of shoes on this trip.  4 were metallic gold.  The other were hiking shoes.  If I ever find gold hiking shoes, I’m buying them on the spot.)

What was supposed to be a quick 30 minute trip to pick up the car ended up taking about an hour and a half- evidently there was some huge cycling event going on and about half of the major streets in the city were closed.  Thankfully, Kat and Scott’s $2 cab ride included a driver who at least knew the basic layout of the city.  When they arrived and we packed into the car to head to our next destination, the tiny mountain town of El Valle de Anton, we did not have such knowledge, and it ended up taking us over an hour just to get out of the city.

See, here’s the thing about Panamanians.  They’re really nice.  They’re super friendly.  They make good food and are fun to hang out with.  But they do not do very well with directions.  The map the rental car gave us was a blurry mimeograph that only showed 1 out of every 4 streets we actually passed.  We had to stop at 2 gas stations, ask a pizza delivery guy on a moped and stop in at 1 other rental car agency just to figure out how to get out of the freaking city limits.

It was a little frustrating.  Thankfully, we kept ourselves entertained.

While Kat and I tried to get directions in a convenience store, Scott picked out delectable Panamanian snacks.  Like packets of Miracle Whip.  Ugh.

This was also the spot where Scott successfully used the Macro feature on his camera for the very first time.  This would quickly become a theme of the trip.

During our many, many, many wrong turns, we got to explore the city and see what traffic looks like abroad.  (The city’s skyline is actually pretty impressive.)

There was also some pretty creative graffiti.

We also got very familiar with the Diablo Bus system.  Evidently, these busses, which sport elaborate murals depicting unicorns, barbarians and manga characters EVERYWHERE- even on the windshields- are privately owned but function as the main form of public transportation in Panama.  During our 2 hour drive to El Valle, we saw about 300 of them, each more elaborately decorated than the last.

Halfway to El Valle, we started to get a little hungry.  When we saw a roadside cafe whose signage featured a list of meats rather than an actual name, we figured that would be a good place to eat lunch.

The parrot joined us for lunch.

Chicken plate!

Tamale!

Chorizo!!!

Post lunch, we packed back in the car and drove another hour to El Valle and checked in to our little hotel, Anton Valley Hotel.

Mary found this hotel and it was absolutely adorable!  We had booked a room that just barely fit all 5 of us for only $70/night, but when we arrived, the owner told us that since they had an extra room free, they would go ahead and give it to us for free.  Yeah, that’s right- FREE!  We were instantly happy.

Once we were settled in our rooms we walked down the street to check out the handicraft market that takes place in El Valle every Sunday.

Mary was in giant colorful jewelry heaven.

There were a lot of Panama hats.  (Fun fact- the “Panama hat” that most people think of is actually made in Ecuador.  Who knew?  Well, besides all of Panama.)

A lot of Panama hats.

Scott continued to master the art of the macro shot. Look how awesome this picture of El Valle’s famous golden frogs turned out!

Something told me that the naked fairy lady paintings weren’t a key element of indigenous Panamanian culture.

I spent a lot of time talking to this jewelry maker and bought my mom a necklace.  (Mom- act surprised when I give this to you next weekend.  Thanks.)

But Mary found the best present ever for her mom- Jesus in a box!

Once we had made our purchases, we wandered down the street to a tiny little restaurant that featured $1.50 beer.

We meant to only have a couple of beers, but then we decided to have some appetizers as well.  And then we ended up eating an entire meal.  It was delicious.

We then went back to our hotel, where we once again set out to have a couple of drinks and ended up eating an entire second dinner.  Eh, it happens.  But the real highlight of the night was when Mary suddenly screamed “BAT!” and jumped out of her seat.  The rest of us proceeded to start freaking out as well when we heard one of the innkeepers laughing at us.  We tried to explain to him that there was a bat perched above Mary’s chair.  He just shook his head and told us that the creature we were scared of was not a bat.

He was right.

It was the biggest, most Jurassic-Park-esque cricket any of us had ever seen.  And it obviously felt at home- it hung out the entire time we spent eating, drinking and talking.  It even stayed and hung out when we moved over the the other patio, where we stayed up late playing Trivial Pursuit Jr. (Priscilla kicked all of our asses) and drinking Seco.  The Seco may have been the reason that it took us 2 hours to play 1 game of Trivial Pursuit Jr.

Okay, no more excuses.  The great Panamania recap begins NOW.

Vacations are awesome- that’s a given.  However, getting to wherever you’re going is sometimes less awesome, especially when you seem to have a black cloud surrounding you re: all things travel, like I apparently did during this particular trip.  Don’t believe me?  Let me share the following pieces of evidence:

• Exhibit A: American Airlines had some magic hiccup and apparently canceled my reservation 3 days before I was scheduled to leave.  I only found out when Scott, who had generously offered to upgrade me to first class with his frequent flier miles, called to confirm my upgrade and was told that my Record Locator no longer existed.   When I received his text message at 6 am Pacific time and confirmed that this was indeed the case, I spent an hour frantically trying to call the airline, only to find out that AT&T was down.  It took 90 minutes of hyperventilation and bewilderment to reach the airline, followed by 30 minutes of arguing with customer service that I in fact did NOT want to cancel my ticket, before they re-issued said ticket.  It then took 4 hours for me to find out that that transaction didn’t go through because customer service had entered in my billing address incorrectly, which sparked a security block on my credit card, which then took a solid hour of calling the airline and the credit card company to get my card reactivated.  In short, it took 12 hours before I actually got my tickets re-confirmed.  NOT a fun way to spend the day.
• Exhibit B:  Our flight from LA to Dallas, where we were meeting up with Scott and flying to Panama, left at 7:00 am Saturday morning, which meant we had to be at the airport at 5:00 am.  This meant I was up at 4:00 am- that’s too early to even take unflattering pictures of myself, which I normally kind of relish.
• Exhibit C: Upon arriving in Dallas, we found out that my name had mysteriously fallen off the upgrade list.  Honestly, at this point, I had pretty much accepted the fact that I was cursed, so rather than trying to argue, I just accepted my fate and moved on.

So what do you do when, en route to Panama City, Panama, you find yourself with a 2 hour layover in Dallas Texas, have been up since 4:00 am and just found out that you’re going to spend the next 5 hours alone in coach while your two besties get wasted in first class?  You comb the airport for an Irish pub and eat a bunch of pork.  Obviously.

Shockingly, Mary and I didn’t actively go out searching for Irish food that morning.  Rather, we both woke up from uncomfortable but extremely deep sleep during our LA-Dallas flight LITERALLY STARVING TO DEATH- seriously, I distinctly remember waking up as the plane landed and hearing my interior monologue tell me, in a scary deep ogre voice no less, “MUST.  EAT.  NOW.”  Evidently Mary had a similar experience (though I don’t know if she was actually hearing strange voices in her head like I was) and we got off the plane and made a beeline to the food court in our terminal, which we found to be sadly lacking.  Faced with the choice between Burger King, some random wraps joint and the Irish pub, we sat down at the Irish pub, figuring that they would at least have something reasonably non-offensive to offer for breakfast.

And then we both proceeded to order the full Irish breakfast.  Because when in Rome…  eat saturated fat.

The full Irish breakfast: blood sausage, streaky bacon (aka fatty ham), fried eggs, black pudding (little wafers of oatmeal and ground pork), a slice of soda bread, and something else fried that I couldn’t identify.

What the hell, right?

And coffee.  Of course, when Mary asked for milk with her coffee, she was told that they were out of milk.  They were also out of cream and half and half.  A little confused (and a lot groggy), I asked what they did have for the coffee.  The waiter’s response?  “Baileys.”

So we got doubles.

Sometime after our food came, Scott’s plane from New York landed and he called asking where he could find us.  When we casually told him we were at the Irish pub in terminal 4, he started laughing hysterically and hung up.  But eventually he got there.  And then he ate my streaky bacon.

Eventually we realized that we needed to hike it to our gate in order to actually catch our flight, so we got the check, cursed the waiter for charging us full price for the Baileys, and made it to the proper gate.  Mary and Scott happily breezed into first class, where they were greeted with champagne and smiles.  Meanwhile, I joined the other cattle and made my way into coach, where the combination of booze, exhaustion and pork quickly lulled me into a dead sleep.  I seriously don’t even think I made it past the plane taking off.  So far, the only saving grace of this flight was that I had an entire row to myself.

Meanwhile, in first class, Mary and Scott enjoyed the good life.

Thanks to the fact that Mary had the same rock sitting in her stomach that I did, she was completely unable to eat any of the food that her upgrade entailed.  Thankfully, Scott is a bottomless pit and made sure nothing went to waste.  This is what he ate during the 5 hour flight:

Vodka cran and 2 servings of warm nuts.  (heehee)

Steak salad.

Jamaican Jerk Chicken.  Scott commented on the pool of oil and still gave it a good review.

Halibut and Rice Pilaf.  This was originally Mary’s, but she was a wee bit full.

2 gigantic ice cream sundaes.  Seriously, I saw the bowls during a brief moment of consciousness- they were at least as big as my head.

Of course, since these are my two very best friends in the whole world, they weren’t totally ignorant of my plight back in coach, so at one point they asked a stewardess to send me a glass of champagne.  When the stewardess came back with the champagne still in hand, she informed them that “their friend” (me) was sprawled out across 3 seats sleeping and therefore unable to imbibe.  Like the good friends they are, they then made their way back to coach to take unflattering pictures of me sleeping.

Sexy, yes?

Thanks guys.

Eventually though, I woke up, we landed, and we were in Panama at long last!  We checked into our hotel, met up with our first travel companion, Kat, did some freshening up and set out for dinner on the town.

Next up: The arrival of PP (aka Priscilla), traffic jams, giant bugs and roadside chorizo.