So in my last post, I stuck to the high points of Mary and Scott’s trip to Seattle- good food, a beautiful hike,mike’s leggins and super happy friend love crap.  In an effort to keep the post more Hemmingway than Tolstoy, I decided to skip on their visit’s definite low point.

But then Scott bitched about it in the comments section so I decided that I had to tell you about the worst 30 minutes of last weekend.  And it was all Scott’s fault.

On the way to Wallace Falls State Park, we passed a sign that read “Washington State Salmon Hatchery.”  Scott, who had previously been singing along to the Miley Cyrus’ opus “Party in the USA” (thank you KISS and your 3 XM stations that played the song 4 times during our one hour drive), suddenly started shrieking like a woman possessed and insisted that we stop there on the way back.  Well, actually, he wanted to cancel the hike and just go look at salmon, but I told him to shut it and we hiked anyway.

But we did indulge him on the way home.

And it was horrific.  Or, as Scott would say, “horrif.”

As soon as we parked, we were greeted by this sign:

I really don’t know what to say about these visual fun facts, except that I really hope that this is a popular spot for elementary school field trips.  And I really hope that it prompts lots of interesting dinner table conversation afterwards.  “Mommy, why does the boy salmon get squeezed and pee on the bucket of salmon eggs?”

Evidently, late October is the time of year when the adult salmon have already made it back to their spawning grounds, let their goodies loose and are basically just waiting to die.  We went down to look at the live fish, and they were big.  And fat.  And barely alive.  It was really just depressing.

If you look closely, you can see nasty dead salmon carcasses piling up on the bottom of the holding pen.  This was so depressing that I took a big step back…  right into a giant pile of dog poo.  Nice.  And then I saw this:

Yeah, that’s a dead salmon.  Filled with maggots.  Evidently the salmon here are so half dead that just about any hungry animal thinks of this holding pen of their own Vegas buffet during this time of year.  The entire lawn was filled with nasty rotting carcasses.  Between that and the dog poo, I wanted to cry.

Meanwhile, Scott pranced around, explored the hatchery, and learned about his favorite fish.  I sat in the car and complained.

The rest of the day went well- we celebrated our friend Shaun’s birthday, where Mary and Scott met my Seattle friends and we ate his pulled pork, followed by an after dinner snack of rillette, duck confit and sparkling wine at Bastille.  I honestly don’t know how the hell we ate that much after seeing the dead salmon fiesta.  Scott really brings out the best in me.

Thank you so much, Scott, for adding this side trip into our day.  I’ll never forget it.

Oh, if you aren’t familiar with the amazing musical achievement that is “Party in the USA,” I think the best way to acquaint yourself with it is via this epic rendition:

This week seems to be so full of minutia- is anybody else feeling that way?  Tony is here, I’m desperately trying to think of ways to entertain him and still trying to do all the little things that make up my day, even though I technically have more free time than ever before in my life.  But, things that made me smile-

• Mary’s story aired on CBS yesterday!  Check it out if you haven’t yet.  It is chronicling how families use technology to stay in touch, and it’s extra awesome because I helped her find the family (*cough* and she got to come visit me, which was obviously the highlight of her week, *cough*).
• I made a really kickass dinner last night- Captain Crunch Chicken (Zona gave me the inspiration) with THREE dipping sauces to placate Mike’s absurd love of sauce, the easiest homemade Mac and Cheese ever, Potato Salad with Goat Cheese (no mayo!) and biscuits (lame, I know, Mike requested them).  Tony contributed a really good bottle of wine, so I was a happy camper.
• I started physical therapy on my wrist today!  And the doctor took a new x-ray and said the bones are completely healed, it’s just a matter of regaining the entire range of motion.  Such a relief.
• My friend Scott sent me a picture of his Halloween costume, and I dare say it may be the greatest costume ever.  I wish I could post a pic but I don’t want to ruin the surprise.
• Speaking of Scott, and therefore speaking of bacon, my knitting group is going to see Bacon wrestle Mayonnaise in a death match to promote the release of Baconnaise.  My darling Nugget brought the existence of Bacconaise to my attention, Scott pointed out that the debut party was in Seattle, and I shared the link with my knitting group as a joke.  They promptly organized a field trip.  I’m really going to try not to puke.  I really really hate mayonnaise.  I hope it loses.  As somebody who was a vegetarian for 12 years and has never eaten red meat, I’m totally rooting for bacon.

Nothing especially exciting happened today, but a few moments stood out.

• The handyman who services our complex came today to look at our broken garbage disposal, and friendly conversation prompted him to ask me to read and edit his screenplay.  Evidently his passion project is writing a sitcom about a schlubby guy in his mid-fifties with three pet talking pomeranians.
• Yesterday’s post inspired my friend Scott to write me a particularly kind and supportive email encouraging me to eat more pork.  He enthusiastically wrote “As for the bacon…ROCK ON AUBS! I think you should slowly start eating little nibbles of pork because honestly…pork is the best food on the planet. By the time I come to visit Seattle, I will take you on a pork belly/bacon excursion so that you can finally experience life to the fullest.”  He’s dead serious.  He also said that he’s planning on making a bacon apple pie this weekend.
• My friend Kate came over today to drop off a hat she test-knit for me and for some help with WordPress, and after she left, Mike actually said that he would possibly want to be “couple friends” with her and her fiance.  I am not making this up.

Life is good.  Happy Wednesday!

Hi kids.

I made it back alive (and only slightly bruised, but that’s another story).  Last week I joined my two best friends, Mary and Scott; Mary’s sister, Deborah (who departed for her ridiculously awesome-sounding Semester at Sea on Friday); and a new friend, Jenny, for a fabulous stay in the Bahamas.  I’ll try and summarize with minimal long-windedness :

This is Deborah.  She called the comforter ahead of time to make sure that they matched:

This is my best friend Mary.  We also like to match:

This is my other favorite person ever, Scott:

This is Scott’s friend Jenny.  Jenny is AWESOME:

Highlights of the trip included…

dirty coconut cocktails and shark tunnels:

floating in the lazy river and sitting in the giant chair:

manta rays and self-portraits:

gangsta’ signs and rum runners:

the complete destruction of a 5 pound Hogfish at a restaurant called “The Poopdeck“:

and this little piece of evidence that we found at a trashy tourist bar called Senor Frog’s:

Evidently our favorite ingénue has a secret past that none of us ever knew about!